On the plane heading to Canada from Russia. Have to say this might be the best time to write since there really isn’t anywhere I can go or anything else I can do. Everything seems bleak and it feels like sadness and depression is just around the corner. Leaving my wife for three months… Feels like its going to be a test, or just plain torture… I miss her already…
I’ve heard of people wanting to have breaks from their second half. There have been times when it would pop up in my mind after a good fight, yet when I see that now its actually happening, against my wish, every ounce of my body isn’t having it. I love my wife to death and its hard to bear the fact that I’m leaving her alone for three months. Yes she has her family, and yes she has some friends, and yes she has our cats to keep her company but I know deep down i’m the only one who can understand her and accept her the way she is, and I know its the same for me.
3 weeks ago I left to Canada for 5 days to get some documents I failed to legalize before heading there in december. Even tho I knew I was coming back, it still broke my heart to be half way around the world from her.
3 months is something I choose not to comprehend right now.
Don’t get me wrong, I am attached to my wife and I will miss her dearly, but what hurts is knowing she is going to be struggling by herself for three months. I have no pity for myself and I do what has to be done when I see a better future for my loved ones. But it isn’t easy.
Going back to my old job for some time. The pay isn’t bad since I’ve been a slave there for about 5 years of my life now. With the current economy in Russia and the difference between the Rouble and Canadian dollar, it will be a much needed boost to our budget. No matter the situation, I try to concentrate on the positive aspects. It will help us out for the next 6 months and relieve some financial burdens that seem to currently affect us. This brings me back to the fact that everything happens for a reason. There are always 2 sides or more to a situation, the trick is picking them out from behind the dark veil of BS.`
I have a bit of a moral dilemma when it comes down to situations like this. I tend to think of other peoples situations and how much more different and extreme they are compared to mine. As a result I feel like I shouldn’t be upset, but better yet relieved that this is the extent of my situation compared to lets say someone who sent their family on a boat to escape the situation in Syria, not knowing if they’ll ever make it to the shores, If someone on board will cause harm to them after you’ve spent your life savings to put them on that ship. Not knowing if the ship will get attacked by the notorious pirates who feast on the mischief of others, and if by some miracle a storm or faulty ship doesn’t become the reason for their demise, the people and or governing body where they land on rejects them or worse.
Is it wrong of me to think of situations like that to put mine into perspective. Is it wrong to pretty much make myself feel better on someone else’s misfortunes. I come across thoughts like these fairly often, and i’m not sure if its ok or not. I have arguments for both sides. I consider myself to have good morals but once again, what I consider might differ completely from what you consider, and whats to say your thoughts on it are wrong? Is it the majority that rules? Or is it the select few who go beyond the common thought who are more than right.
Some thoughts on this would be welcome.
Don’t hesitate to comment or write to me directly.